Purpose is heartfelt, benevolent, and personally meaningful to you. It’s a state of being that you desire for yourself, yet you recognize its importance in the world, and you want it for others too.

Karen Whitten

The quarter-life crisis: that moment when I realized adulthood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be (the training wheels of life having been unceremoniously yanked away), and I was left wondering if I missed the memo on how to adult properly or I was just skipped in the circulation all together.

It was waking up one day and realizing that the plan I thought I had for my life was actually just a crumpled, beverage-stained napkin with some vague scribbles on it done by someone (me) who had no idea what they were doing.

For the first time in my life, I was faced with a list of existential questions that hit harder than that first shot of gin.

I was sitting in my house, surrounded by unfinished writings, endless unanswered emails, publishing quotations, unanalysed documents and bills, and wondering if that is what I actually signed up for. I was questioning every decision I had ever made – from my choice to pursue my career to your latest newspaper submission.

Social media did not help.

I would be scrolling through Instagram and LinkedIn and see people getting married, buying houses, going on vacation, living their (supposed) best lives, nailing every goal on my list and having babies, while I can barely remember to water my small garden (RIP, yellow peppers), drink water (sorry, babe) and the only thing I’ve managed to commit to is my Netflix (which my uncle pays for) and Spotify subscriptions.

I felt (infinitely) trapped, (divinely) uninspired and (comically) disillusioned.

I can’t believe it is a phase of life often dismissed as a myth or exaggerated melodrama and I brushed it off at first, attributing it to burnout or temporary dissatisfaction with the trajectory of my life.

I am a person that is blessed in more ways than one and that was why I felt that I had no reason to be struggling because these years are supposed to be fun and relatively easy. Your 20s (they say) are supposed to be filled with joy and excitement and discovering new things and yourself.

But things were falling apart all around me and I felt like I had made the discovery and lost it, somehow.

I felt disconnected from other people, and even though I knew I was spiralling, I approached the situation with a sense of apathy that made it difficult to find the motivation to change or try to make things better.

Even for the things I did (with so much struggle) manage to get done, I was not experiencing milestones, or achievements. More like just living through them or watching them in third person.

I forget to offer myself grace. I forget to forgive myself for my shortcomings and for all the things that do not make sense.

As a 22 year old living a full life, I am still figuring out what I like, want, and find fulfilling. It is cruel of me to think I am not doing enough when I am constantly trying to make and build a better life for me and the people I love.

I am allowed mistakes and options, so it’s OK to try things and decide that they are not right for me.

Comparison may be a natural tendency for most of us, but it can truly be the thief of joy. It’s hard not to look around and feel like perhaps everyone has their lives more together than you. Or they are luckier. Or life is unfair for not rewarding your efforts.

But we don’t have the same 24 hours and we can only do our very best. There will always be someone doing better.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Me? A superstar!

I may already be grown up in some ways, but I probably have many decades of life and marvellous stories ahead. And that means I have time to carve new destiny paths and define what I want my life to look like. A loving husband, bestsellers, a garden, bottomless brunches, a luxurious life.

The key to surviving a quarter-life crisis (to all those currently wallowing in one) lies in being kind to yourself and being proactive. Best believe, they will feel like the worst days in the last decade but you will get through it.

Don’t beat yourself up because you aren’t where you thought you’d be, or because everyone seems to be doing so much better than you.

When you feel anxiety creeping up, try to slow down your thoughts.

Breathe. You are not Atlas, the weight of the world does not rest on your shoulders.

The world will not stop spinning because you stopped pushing it.

Pull out your list of goals and review it—this can help center you and remind you that you are indeed making progress.

Write down every small win to look back at on the seemingly endless days of self-battle.

Despite bumps in the road, you will survive this and make it out alive on the other side. You got this!

🤍⛅️

The girl who survived a quarter life crisis.