First of all, happy new year! I have missed each and every one of you and also writing about me (that sounds so self-centered😂😭). I took an unplanned hiatus from the writing and I hope I am back to full writing capacity. The book has been keeping me on my toes and extremely busy (story for the next post!). Let’s get into today’s business and welcome back!❤️
I’m sure we all have the basics of a daily beauty routine down. Wash your face, protect your skin, etc. But I thought I’d go a little more in-depth about what I do to always feel my best. Over time, I’ve figured out what works best for me, and sticking to my beauty maintenance schedule has dramatically improved my skin, my hair, and through that, my confidence. Having clearer skin means I worry less and always feel put together. No more worrying about last-minute plans that I don’t feel ready for!
Wash And Style Hair
I can usually go a whole week between washes. I always air dry my dreadlocks and only in desperate situations do I blow dry them. I feel they dry better? I don’t know, maybe it is just a personal preference and something I brought over from having natural hair. Learning to style my dreadlocks has been fun and painful but totally worth it!
Eyebrows threaded
I will not lie and tell you all that I do this regularly because I do not remember the last time I got my eyebrows done. It has been on the list for a while but it remains a necessity.
Nails and Lashes
I am just now entering into my lashes era and I do not know anyway else to live. It feels divine having my eyelashes done. It is such a confidence boost and totally worth it. The cat eye combo I found on TikTok was perfectly executed. 10/10.
My nails, I try to keep up with and as much as I want to be a short nails girlie, I fail miserably. I love my talons. My recent sets:
Waxing
I have a confession: I wanted to self-wax and thank goodness I got some sense before I did something drastic. I will not go into the pros of waxing as that is something you can easily look up but all I can do is recommend that you stop shaving and start waxing. Thank me, later.
After writing this all down, it looks like a lot. But by breaking it all up into days, weeks, and months, it’s all pretty manageable. I’m curious about what you guys do! Let me know if there’s anything you’re doing that’s been life-changing and that I need to add to my beauty I’m maintenance schedule ASAP!
The year I decided to wake up and put myself first, to prioritise my peace, my space, my happiness and my inner sense of self. And my goodness, what a year it has been! From moving out, to my first pet and my first permanent job? I do not have words to describe how wonderful, breathtaking and awe-inspiring this year has been.
While 2022 was my year of healing, 2023 allowed me to live in that healed space and to thrive in my own life. I never thought I would achieve all that I have and that just goes to show that time does heal all the wounds we clean and tend to, it fades scars as well, and clears all the smoke from the bridges we had to burn.
What made my 2023 do great and better than the last 4 years of my life? A deep dive:
1. I let myself live
In every sense of that sentence.
I let myself find joy in the small things and the most mundane of tasks. I let myself dream big and vividly, pushing myself in the pursuit of said dreams. In the many times that I failed and life tasted a little sour, I reminded myself that I have come so far and I can only make it further. I have lived, I have laughed and cried a little too, and I am so grateful for the year 2023 has been.
2. Everything that came, I was there.
For my mistakes, I was there to witness them, to let them roll off my back and leave lessons. For my wins, I was there too to cheer for myself and cry a little tears of joy. For my most human days, I was there to remind myself that it is okay to feel lost, to feel like you are not doing enough, to feel left out, to feel all those emotions.
For everything I have encountered in this year, I have not strayed from my presence. I have been rooted in my body and in the present, letting myself sit in my miseries and in my joys and allowing myself the intensity of many emotions.
3. I believed in myself
Yes, we have all heard to believe in ourselves but I did it!
I did not let fear or anxiety govern what I do or how I operate in certain things. I have asked for what I want, worked hard for what I deserve and written my heart out on any page that would allow me.
I am a dreamer and a believer. I dream in vivid colours, and believe in the endlessness that is imagination. My dream remains Tapatsidwa Writers Program and that will be my legacy. Do or die.
4. I allowed myself to make mistakes
Small things. Allowed myself to sleep past my life to allow myself a chance to absorb the day, prepare myself mentally and make a to-do list in my head.
I did not beat myself up for the things I cannot control or the things beyond my reach. I cannot be everywhere at once, the day only has twenty-four hours, and I only have two hands and one brain. There is only so much i can do in a day. I am human.
5. I loved
Where I could, I loved.
WHAT WERE THE MANY FIRSTS?
A puppy named Coh
I moved out and I am working on furnishing my house
I became a full time columnist (Thoughts of a millennial in The Weekend Nation)
I organized an online event for writers across Africa
I got my first permanent job!
Anyways, I have to go, my loves and I will be seeing you all on the next one! The dreams are calling me by my full government name!
I have been playing journalist lately, or columnist more like. I have been writing for The Weekend Nation, every weekend as the name stipulates and it has kept me…writing. Something I have been having a pretty hard time with even though it has always come so easily to me. I have had my ups and down like everyone else and I am currently still sorting through the mess that was the last four weeks but life has been great overall.
Like I said, the universe has a tendency of meeting me as far as I meet myself and even though that hasn’t been very far out, my cup has not run empty. I am still grateful for the opportunities that continue to arise and the challenges I move past; and for the opportunities I did not have the courage to face, tizakumanaso. It just wasn’t the right time for me.
What’s new? First, I am a dog mummy! Yes, I am having the time of my life adjusting to having someone to attend to; feed, bathe and take care of. He is so noisy and very energetic, and why is he always hungry? Nonetheless, the company has been good for your favourite bachelorette and the company goes by the name of Coh. (Please, don’t bother asking what it means and no, it is not short for Kondwani.)
I am back to content creation on my YouTube channel and I am dedicated to uploading videos weekly (fingers and toes crossed) . I have been actively working towards making videos and I am relearning the processes with feedback from all the viewers of course (eggs and omelettes). Please do subscribe! And I will see you every Sunday!
I would have loved to do a life audit in this post but I will save you the hustle by making a separate post.
December is days away and I am scared that I will not be able to meet all my goals even though I have made such significant progress in all of them (or Atleast made steps towards them.) Anyways, that does not take away the fact that there are some short term goals that may correlate to the original goals that I can tick off before the big 2023 finals. Let us get into the personal goals before 2024:
1. Donate blood again.
2. Donate 90% of my closet (I have already sorted through my clothes and if you would like to donate yours too, send me an email myraokumu@gmail.com or comment below!)
3. Organise a sanitary products drive! (If you would like to a part of this, please let me know!)
4. Be patient and more appreciative of myself! (I deserve the soft and gentle side of myself)
6. Write weekly articles, blogs, stories and essays! (One piece a day keeps the thoughts away.)
7. Learn a new language with Duo Lingo (Settled on Swahili and Arabic)
8. Get a funeral policy!
9. Complete a 30 day challenge (could be anything right? Any suggestions?)
10. A solo staycation🧘🏾♀️
I was going for ‘more collaborations’ as one of my end goals but I have put a brake on that one for now. Instead of set goals, I have put more focus on creating systems that work towards the goal, if that makes any sense. Dividing my goals into tasks and setting milestones, eases up the pressure for me to reach the end and also allows for accountability along the way.
2023 has been…something, to say the least and this year has not turned out as I initially thought it would. Remember the beginning of the legacy, we are nearing the end of the beginning and I guess things can only get better from here.
I haven’t been okay, lately. I am one to admit my humanity in times like this because I do not have unrealistic expectations of myself. Good news, I am doing so much better and you will be seeing more of my writings now as I transition into a space that allows for me to breathe, live and focus on my well being. It has been lovely and therapeutic writing again, I absolutely missed this.
That is all I had to say, subscribe to my blog and my YouTube channel and let’s stay connected!
I have had a terrible week and I really want to talk about it, why not blog about it?
It started with constant sadness and absent mindedness, the usual PMS symptoms but without the MS. I swear for a second there I thought I was going crazy and losing my mind. Please, don’t get me wrong. I have a lot of things to be thankful for, things to look forward to, and I am surrounded by people with good intentions and support system that never fails.
What more would a girl ask for, you would ask.
And the answer is “I don’t know.” I should be grateful for the amazing job I have, for the friends I have, for the love that surrounds me, for the support I get, for this life I have made for myself, for the chance I get everyday to be a better person, for the things that continuously align in my favour, and countless other things!
I am drowning in my own head at this point and it is safe to say, sanity has vacated the building and recommended me to the nearest shrink.
How do I break this cycle?
What am I doing wrong or different?
What is misaligning my life?
I usually have everything dotted and crossed, organised in files and written down. Right now, I don’t. I am free styling and it is going terribly.
I could cry, but that would mean dedicating time and effort to that and I am not in the mood.
(Takes a deep breath)
It escalated into isolation, brooding, and avoidance. I should have said something, sure, but how do you explain a problem that has no plausible explanation or cause? How do you say ‘I am not okay’ when everything is okay? Just how.
I am so tired of not being 100% in my own life. Of not showing up for myself and for people in the ways I ought to, and I am so tired of holding myself hostage in this situation. Simple, mundane tasks I can complete in minutes being dragged through days, lack of organisation and focus; all that is not me.
I am human, I am allowed bad days.
But I choose (from tomorrow, because today went to waste) to be intentional.
I choose to be intentional about doing right by myself and celebrating myself for being me. Not cause I have achieved something.I will remind myself that even on the days I do not do anything that is praiseworthy, I am still an incredible human with amazing potential and qualities.
I will not take love away from myself or deny myself good things because I did not live to a certain expectation. I will applaud myself for being present each day and show myself compassion on the days when nothing makes sense.
I have to be intentional about breaking some patterns that I have noticed in myself . The procrastination? In the bin. The lack of focus, the anxiety over mundane tasks, the lack of writing, the constant excuses, unnecessary distractions? All of it, everything goes in the dumpster or incinerator. Whichever one is more permanent.Nothing changes until I change.I have to choose to change.
I have to be Intentional about my goals and your vision or I will be manifesting and sabaweling forever. My intentions and my actions should align. The choices I make for myself everyday should be in the direction of what I want, I should put in the work, the time, the energy and triple the efforts. This is my vision and my dream, it is what I want for myself and I have to intentionally set myself up for success.
I have to make life more enjoyable for myself. I did not come on this Earth to pay bills and survive, I came here for enjoyment and enjoyment at its finest. I should plan great experiences for myself, pick out activities and execute them, regardless if it’s just me. I should be more intentional about having a grand time!
I know this blog post will come as a shock because who posts about their losses? Why not just pretend to have it all figured out, huh? Because I think it is important to know that behind this keyboard is a whole human being with feelings and emotions just like everybody else. That I too have terrible days and weeks. That we all have our uphill battles once in a while and it does so much good to just let it all out. I will be sure to update this post within the week, let you all know how I am doing with my blurry dreams and dimmed hopes.
Please, do not feel inclined to reach out to me. You can simply comment and that will suffice.
A gentle reminder from your blog auntie that we write our story everyday through the choices that we make.
The things left unsaid to people we care about, and the void those unspoken words leave, often have more impact than what is said.
Tyler Knight
EMAIL SUBJECT LINES
There is not enough talk on how exhausting it is trying to find your footing in this world. Everything and everyone is on fast forward and there is never time to rest and reset. On to the next task, on to the next job, left, right and center. “Please find attached” and “Per my last email” run the day and do not clock out when you do.
Nobody talks about how hard it is to make friends as an adult when everyone is chasing the bag and making bread, nobody talks about the exhaustion that slowly sets in by Tuesday and has you dragging your body to Friday, or the lack of enthusiasm and time for the things that once rocked our worlds. I struggled to find my work-life-more-work balance and that is mainly because I let my ambitions get the best of me. Nevertheless, I understand the toil responsibility, deadlines, and upcoming events/projects bring in and today, we are practicing gratitude for the work we do, but actively set boundaries between the two.
It is okay to set aside a day for self-care devoid of any outside expectations, it is okay to take several steps back and delegate when you feel overwhelmed. You are human, you are meant to tire, that is your body’s cry for a day off. It is okay to not be okay, it is okay to feel frustrated at the list of tasks waiting for you, it is okay to say, ‘hey, I need help.’
THE BIGGEST APOLOGIES
The sad days are the ones nobody really prepares you for and today, I realised we owe ourselves the biggest apologies. For invalidating our feelings and for wanting to belong, for banging on closed doors and crying over spilled milk, for wanting to be chosen by people who would use us for rituals given the chance and finally, for not telling ourselves often enough how simply amazing we are.
Everyday is just a blur, a photocopied version of yesterday, the twin of what will be tomorrow but today, we are here and we are present. And to everyone reading this, this is your sign to be fearless, to be brave and, to be audacious. There is something, I tell you, about youthful naivety that makes you think you can conquer the world and that is the universe’s gift to you.
You should only have a pocket full of dreams, and not cups full of regret. You are only young once and should constantly choose to live. Live intentionally. Burn with so much passion, you put the stars and the sun to shame because you blaze brighter and with more purposes. You, who is wonderfully and beautifully created, curated and designed for a bigger purpose and a greater joy.
Take advice from your dear (not so old) auntie and live happily, truly and passionately. You will not have a lot to apologise for, I promise.
SING A NEW SONG
Things…life happens to everyone and despite what the burdens you carry want you believe, life is fair. If ever there was an epitome of fairness, it would be how justly life deals everyone a misery of their disliking; to each their own battle. Please, don’t get me wrong, there is suffering in the world but who am I or are you to tell how much it hurts when the experience is compacted in another’s body? We cannot gauge how heavy emotions can be or should be because at the end of the day we all experience moments, people, and emotions differently. Beneath the surfaces of smiles, laughter, and the shows of strength and courage, lies feelings and experiences we may never fully comprehend. While compassion may lead us to hold the hands of those in pain, to offer comforting words and sympathetic glances, we are merely spectators to their struggle. It hurts for them and that is enough, that is valid and does not need justification.
Today, empathize with the boy who carries the weight of his family’s expectations, the girl with silent and invisible tears…approach with warmth, empathy and humility those that the world has shut out.
Suffering is a universal experience: like a fingerprint, it is unique to everyone but cheap as clay and twice as common.
This is me signing out and calling it a day!🤍
Always rooting for you, always wishing you the very best of everything.
That’s what adulthood should be labelled as because all the grownups when I was a kid were cruising nicely, I could have sworn they had it all figured out. I thought all the wrongs of the world would make sense when I “grew up” but so far, not so good. I got scammed and I have a million questions.
As I get older I realise how making my bed can be the start to a great and fulfilling day, that the things we obsess over don’t always matter, nobody is looking at you as much and as hard as you think they are, we all think differently because we were all raised differently and react differently.
I think the highlight of my discoveries was reading and then realising that we experience things and people differently.
Life is about perspective and from where I stand, here are the 10 things I wish I knew before I ventured into my 20s (besides that being an adult is a full time job with minimal benefits):
You will not always win, that is a fact. Like everyone else, you have a plan on how your life will pan out, you have all the i’s dotted and the t’s crossed but newsflash, life is not a straight line. Hell, it is not even a circle or a triangle, it looks more like an infant’s writing on the wall: scrambled and multidirectional. Dream, dream big and outrageously and when things go your way, hooray! If they don’t, you dust yourself up and try again. There is no rule that says you cannot rebrand yourself a million times or restart a gazillion times, the most important thing is to just start.
Seeing others do so well and succeed in what seems to be every aspect of their life, you will wish you were “more like them.” You will model yourself to what ever your idol is but the thing is, people rarely show you the struggle it took or is for them to be themselves. Wishing someone’s life upon yourself is not as good or easy as it is put out to be. What you can do is be you, find your voice, follow your passions and make the most of everything you have around you. It is okay to idolise others but it can be done while remaining true to yourself.
Being confident in yourself and your abilities will take you places, I promise. Walk into every room like you belong there, hold your head high and speak clearly and with intention. And whenever you can, build a longer table.
There have been instances where I think, “Yeah, this is definitely forever.” And I was wrong, disturbingly so. You will run into friends that are just for that season of your life, like lightning, bright and beautiful but it doesn’t last. Something just won’t last. No matter how hard you try to hold on to them and justify clinging to them for dear life, they have to go.
People. Places. Moments. Feelings.
Rock bottom has a basement.
I have been there and it is not pretty, or desirable. I thought my world was ending and that I was ending with it. The walls were shaking, the floor was freaking, the roof had caved it, it was dark and I was alone.
But even that, even my darkest hour, came to pass. I was angry with the world for not pausing so I could catch my breath, that I was being forced to face each day, and when it all came to an end, I realised that it was and is for the best. The fact that the world remains in motion even on our most human days is the best and the worst thing about it.N
No matter what happens tomorrow day, the sun will rise tomorrow.
Those mistakes you see others making, those decisions you deem irresponsible, those things you see as irrelevant and you think, “I would never.” Or “Could never be me.” Sweetheart, it could be you before you close your eyes and open them. You would be nevering like never before.
Moral of the story is to never judge situations you have never been in or have never experienced. It is so easy to sit in the sidelines and judge others, “if it were me, I would have..”, well honey, it is not you. You have no idea what it feels like to experience that, to hold that much power, to be that helpless, to be that vulnerable , or to be that unfortunate.
You spend the most time with you, hear you all day, and be you every other day. Take care of you, nurture you, show you the same kindness and compassion you show others.
You are so important. Even in the ways you do not realise, you are valuable and deserve everything nice in this life. Who is going to give you all that? You are.
You are not immune to errors and making mistakes but show yourself some grace and offer yourself that forgiveness. You didn’t know better, now you do. You are human and you should love and prioritise yourself.
Self care is not selfish.
The day I realised that everyone is freestyling is the day I knew peace. Literally everyone around you has no idea what life is, they could not (on their best days) define for you want life entails other than being true to yourself and your beliefs. That’s it.
No one has a manual (that is not religious) that can tell you word for word how to go about life, how to navigate this circus or what purspose or reward there is for just living. Freestyle! Everyone is just freestlying! Mmene wayimvelela basitu. Know that and you will know peace.
One thing people will always have is an opinion, no matter how much good or bad you do. They are entitled to one. Even the ones that lack common sense will have something to say in spaces that require zero to no input.
You shouldn’t care (unless it makes you happy or it makes you money). You do not need their approval on anything, can you imagine how chaotic your life would be if you absorbed every opinion someone put out? It would be nothing short of problematic and stressful on your end.
Through all this, you are the ultimate decider of what you allow, what boundaries you set, what goals you have and what you want in your life.
You reap what you sow. You get what you put out into the universe.
Talk positively about yourself, let the negativity of the world roll off your back, take charge of your everyday tasks no matter how small they might be. Live.
Find happiness in everything. In sitting quietly reading, in the way the sunsets beautifully and how the warm breeze crushes against your skin. You will not always be happy and that is okay too, it is part of the human experience. Nothing is sold separately.
You are worth everything this life has to offer. The time, the attention, the energy, the flowers and the beautiful moments. You can have it all.
Your 20s will be filled with growth, plot twists, self-discoveries and hopefully, connections that defy time and space. I wish present-me could send past-me a letter of some sort on what growing up entails. Ready myself in a way for all that is to come to pass but the only letter I have written is the one to my 18 year old self.
What are the things you wish you knew before your 20s? Share in the comments and don’t forget to subscribe.
With all my love,
The girl who dreams in colours yet to be discovered.🌻
My struggle with anxiety stems back a few years if I am being honest and I know for a fact, I can pinpoint the exact moment it all began. I have always been a person who tries to focus on the good in most situations and how it can be better, and I have lived the better part of my life optimistic. Something I feel I took for granted.
Yes, tough times were there but they never really lasted.
Cue 2020. The year of true reckoning.
A year were nothing seemed to go right and I was fighting from the moment ‘go!’. It was a terribly awful year filled with trials and tribulations that I won’t fill pages about here (a story for one of my books lol).
I guess most of us have been there. The nights that never end and seem to drag forever, a cloud that hovers above you from your waking moment to the very second your head hits the pillow and the never ending tunnel of darkness.
The first storm comes and you think it will pass as it always has, then another and another. The storms last longer, are more fierce, more destructive, and shake and drain you more.
Days turn into weeks, and weeks into months and the storms stay pouring, resting in your life like they were always meant to be there and they begin to feel…normal.
Rather than disappear like they always have (did), these storms are not passing through and it becomes harder to be brave.
Life started to seem scary. I had lost once when it meant the world to win and fear replaced optimism. Feelings of impending doom became my daily bread: fear of being wrong, fear of being rejected, fear of imposing, fear of not being enough, and the constant unsettling fear of losing again.
I am not ashamed to say that it took me a long time to acknowledge that I had a problem and an even longer time accepting that anxiety was running my life. I had resigned to being the backseat passenger of fear, finding it hard to get up in the morning and even harder convincing myself to just leave my room.
If you are waiting for a guide on how to cure anxiety or a secret something, I (unfortunately) do not have one but I can, however, share how I navigate around my fear:
1. Acknowledge your anxiety and try to find the root cause
2. Practice gratitude!
3. Daily affirmations. (Remind yourself that you are valuable, rare and extraordinary).
4. Journaling
5. Talk to someone or find what helps you calm down your thoughts.
6. Do things scared!
Our toughest battles are usually fought alone, when no one is watching.
Our weakest moments happen inside and away from prying eyes, locked in moments and memories that hold us hostage, praying for an escape, hoping against hope that one day you wake up grateful and actually…happy. That yes, life can be hard and deals everyone there own cards but you can’t help but wonder why your cards seem to want to drown you, and life at every turn threatens to submerge you in your woes.
People wake up everyday sad that they woke up and dread yet the beginning of another day. Their life looks like it is at a standstill, each day exactly like the same.
Rinse and repeat.
No progress for them yet the world seems to go on regardless. Never a moment of pause to let them breathe and get themselves together, to let them feel their emotions or a moment to map their lives: not knowing where they are and uncertain of where they are going and where they are going to end up.
We have friends and family silently fighting and trying to master battles that have no rules, no course, and sometimes, no visible ending. We have people around us struggling with battles we don’t see. Things they won’t talk about. Things they would rather not deal with. Things they would rather forget but replay in their heads like a broken record. You don’t have to know someone is in pain or struggling to be kind.
Check on your friends. Tell them how much of a good person they are and how you appreciate them.
“Hey, how are you doing? Really.”
“Mental health check. How are you?”
Then sit there and listen. They are sometimes carrying so much and a listening ear is all they need. I don’t have a cure or anything that would relatively help but let them know that you are there for them and they are not alone. Life is messy for everyone and it has no favorites.
That person you see smiling everyday? Probably cries themselves to sleep.
That friend with the happy pictures and seemingly amazing life? They could have had a traumatic childhood that haunts them to this day.
People lose jobs, friendships, family and the world around them crumbles and shakes yet they get up and brave each day. Be kind.
People suffered trauma as children. Shown too early the ugly snare of the world and the cruelty of it all. Be very kind.
People have been thrown out of their lives, stripped to humiliation and thrown onto the cold hard ground by those they thought would hold their hearts. Be exceptionally kind.
Kindness is humanity.
A smile from a stranger in the most trying times, an ear that listens, a heart that doesn’t judge, people that empathise, people that support and cheer for you, people that love you regardlesss of the mess you are, people that see greatness in you, a hand that holds you and holds your hand, a shoulder that lets you cry your sorrows away. That is Humanity.
But before you are kind to anyone else, be kind to yourself first.
To those that struggled and made it out, I am glad you did and I hope you choose yourself everyday.
To those amidst the troubling waters, Keep Rowing. Your lighthouse is not too far.
I will leave the light on.
Love,
A girl whose dreams sometimes dim but continue to be in colours yet to be discovered.
Myra Trudea Okumu 