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That’s what adulthood should be labelled as because all the grownups when I was a kid were cruising nicely, I could have sworn they had it all figured out. I thought all the wrongs of the world would make sense when I “grew up” but so far, not so good. I got scammed and I have a million questions.
As I get older I realise how making my bed can be the start to a great and fulfilling day, that the things we obsess over don’t always matter, nobody is looking at you as much and as hard as you think they are, we all think differently because we were all raised differently and react differently.
I think the highlight of my discoveries was reading and then realising that we experience things and people differently.
Life is about perspective and from where I stand, here are the 10 things I wish I knew before I ventured into my 20s (besides that being an adult is a full time job with minimal benefits):
You will not always win, that is a fact. Like everyone else, you have a plan on how your life will pan out, you have all the i’s dotted and the t’s crossed but newsflash, life is not a straight line. Hell, it is not even a circle or a triangle, it looks more like an infant’s writing on the wall: scrambled and multidirectional. Dream, dream big and outrageously and when things go your way, hooray! If they don’t, you dust yourself up and try again. There is no rule that says you cannot rebrand yourself a million times or restart a gazillion times, the most important thing is to just start.
Seeing others do so well and succeed in what seems to be every aspect of their life, you will wish you were “more like them.” You will model yourself to what ever your idol is but the thing is, people rarely show you the struggle it took or is for them to be themselves. Wishing someone’s life upon yourself is not as good or easy as it is put out to be. What you can do is be you, find your voice, follow your passions and make the most of everything you have around you. It is okay to idolise others but it can be done while remaining true to yourself.
Being confident in yourself and your abilities will take you places, I promise. Walk into every room like you belong there, hold your head high and speak clearly and with intention. And whenever you can, build a longer table.
There have been instances where I think, “Yeah, this is definitely forever.” And I was wrong, disturbingly so. You will run into friends that are just for that season of your life, like lightning, bright and beautiful but it doesn’t last. Something just won’t last. No matter how hard you try to hold on to them and justify clinging to them for dear life, they have to go.
People. Places. Moments. Feelings.
Rock bottom has a basement.
I have been there and it is not pretty, or desirable. I thought my world was ending and that I was ending with it. The walls were shaking, the floor was freaking, the roof had caved it, it was dark and I was alone.
But even that, even my darkest hour, came to pass. I was angry with the world for not pausing so I could catch my breath, that I was being forced to face each day, and when it all came to an end, I realised that it was and is for the best. The fact that the world remains in motion even on our most human days is the best and the worst thing about it.N
No matter what happens tomorrow day, the sun will rise tomorrow.
Those mistakes you see others making, those decisions you deem irresponsible, those things you see as irrelevant and you think, “I would never.” Or “Could never be me.” Sweetheart, it could be you before you close your eyes and open them. You would be nevering like never before.
Moral of the story is to never judge situations you have never been in or have never experienced. It is so easy to sit in the sidelines and judge others, “if it were me, I would have..”, well honey, it is not you. You have no idea what it feels like to experience that, to hold that much power, to be that helpless, to be that vulnerable , or to be that unfortunate.
You spend the most time with you, hear you all day, and be you every other day. Take care of you, nurture you, show you the same kindness and compassion you show others.
You are so important. Even in the ways you do not realise, you are valuable and deserve everything nice in this life. Who is going to give you all that? You are.
You are not immune to errors and making mistakes but show yourself some grace and offer yourself that forgiveness. You didn’t know better, now you do. You are human and you should love and prioritise yourself.
Self care is not selfish.
The day I realised that everyone is freestyling is the day I knew peace. Literally everyone around you has no idea what life is, they could not (on their best days) define for you want life entails other than being true to yourself and your beliefs. That’s it.
No one has a manual (that is not religious) that can tell you word for word how to go about life, how to navigate this circus or what purspose or reward there is for just living. Freestyle! Everyone is just freestlying! Mmene wayimvelela basitu. Know that and you will know peace.
One thing people will always have is an opinion, no matter how much good or bad you do. They are entitled to one. Even the ones that lack common sense will have something to say in spaces that require zero to no input.
You shouldn’t care (unless it makes you happy or it makes you money). You do not need their approval on anything, can you imagine how chaotic your life would be if you absorbed every opinion someone put out? It would be nothing short of problematic and stressful on your end.
Through all this, you are the ultimate decider of what you allow, what boundaries you set, what goals you have and what you want in your life.
You reap what you sow. You get what you put out into the universe.
Talk positively about yourself, let the negativity of the world roll off your back, take charge of your everyday tasks no matter how small they might be. Live.
Find happiness in everything. In sitting quietly reading, in the way the sunsets beautifully and how the warm breeze crushes against your skin. You will not always be happy and that is okay too, it is part of the human experience. Nothing is sold separately.
You are worth everything this life has to offer. The time, the attention, the energy, the flowers and the beautiful moments. You can have it all.
Your 20s will be filled with growth, plot twists, self-discoveries and hopefully, connections that defy time and space. I wish present-me could send past-me a letter of some sort on what growing up entails. Ready myself in a way for all that is to come to pass but the only letter I have written is the one to my 18 year old self.
What are the things you wish you knew before your 20s? Share in the comments and don’t forget to subscribe.
With all my love,
The girl who dreams in colours yet to be discovered.🌻
Myra Trudea Okumu 