Category: Self-Care❤️

How to be me, written by everyone else

January 29th, 2025

I have had a rough start to the year, suprisingly. And that is because it have been stuck in the rut known as extreme-sadness-feelings-of-hopelessness-helplessness-rock-bottom-behaviour-cannot-focus-or-concentrate-extreme-procatination-mental-shutdown-numbness.

Yes, I am much much better now.

(While you are here, let me plug you the two short stories I have been working on)

When someone asks me how I am doing, all I can ever say is “I am fine.” Because I have no reason not to be fine and it feels selfish not to be. There are people who are going through the most, y’ know. There are people whose lives are miserable but they are fine (in some sense of the word). So, why wouldn’t I be fine?
But I wasn’t. Truly, I wasn’t.

Like most people, I am constantly fighting anxiety. Oh, that one gets the better of me and throws me off every once in a while. The other one just comes from feelings of inadequacy and the motions that come with being alive, I guess.

It starts small.

Forgetfulness.

Then I have to fight myself to write, or get up from bed. But I show up for work and I laugh with everybody else. I take my lunch like I always do and post on social media. Then I go home, and a switch just goes off.

I can’t muster the strength to work on my personal projects and they all seem like burdens now. I am so irritated by the clothes on my skin and the spoon that hasn’t found it way to the sink. Sleep doesn’t come till after midnight and when I do, I would rather curl up in bed and have the world forget my existence.

They call it high functioning depression.

As in, you’re living with depression but still keeping up with the demands of your life.

I kept telling myself that because I was still functioning, it wasn’t bad enough to ask for help.

But the truth is, suffering doesn’t have a threshold you need to meet before it becomes valid. Pain isn’t a competition, and you don’t need to reach a certain level of struggle before you’re allowed to seek help. I used to believe that as long as I was still getting things done like still showing up, still keeping it together then what I was feeling wasn’t bad enough to matter. I convinced myself that because I wasn’t completely falling apart, I had no right to acknowledge how much I was hurting.

But I’ve come to realize that waiting for rock bottom only makes the climb out even harder.

The longer you tell yourself that your pain isn’t “serious enough” to address, the more it builds, wearing you down little by little until even the smallest tasks feel impossible. I didn’t need to wait until I was drowning to admit that I was struggling. I didn’t have to break completely to deserve healing.

And once I let go of that idea and I accepted that I was allowed to take my own pain seriously, things slowly started to shift. I stopped minimizing my emotions. I stopped telling myself that I had to just push through and pretend everything was fine.

Instead, I started looking for small ways to make things better, to be gentler with myself, to acknowledge that struggling doesn’t mean failing. That is when the 500 things for 2025 came to life. Small every day mundane tasks that remind me how beautiful and wonderful life outside my head is, experiences that bring me closer to the people I love and adore, acts of kindness to others, and things that make me grateful for the life I am allowed to live.

I gave myself permission to acknowledge my emotions instead of burying them. Yes, I was down. Yes, I wanted out. Yes, I needed help.

I stopped trying to convince myself that I should be able to handle everything on my own. And most importantly, I started treating myself with the same kindness I would offer a friend who was struggling.

I offered myself the same kindness and grace I show others. I spoke to myself softly and with compassion. I mirrored my words into my efforts. To the impossible things, I made small significant steps towards them.

And I felt lighter with each day.

Why am I sharing this? Why not just pretend to have it all figured out?

Well, its to remind someone out there that you don’t have to wait until everything collapses before you reach for a way out. You don’t have to keep moving through life like you’re fine just because you can. You’re allowed to struggle, and you’re allowed to ask for help, not because you’ve hit rock bottom, but because you deserve to feel better.

With all my love,

Abdullah’s girlfriend.
Letting go of perfect

May 15th, 2024

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Dr. Seuss

To: fellow perfectionist ponderers and imperfectly perfect pals!

There is no perfect life or person, no perfect world or love, no perfect smile or situation. There is simply nothing perfect.

Know this and know peace.

Seeking perfection is being a candle that’s burning out on both ends. It is detrimental and will prove to be your biggest enemy. Now, don’t get me wrong. Letting go of perfect doesn’t mean letting go of ambition or striving for excellence. It simply means accepting that life isn’t always going to go according to plan – and that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s liberating.

When you do the inner work (self reflection, meditation, mindfulness and practicing gratitude), you will create a beautiful life on the outside. It doesn’t mean that life will be perfect, it just means you will have the tools to navigate the twists and turns that it brings.

Don’t sabotage something that is meant for you because you think that you are not good enough. If it comes your way, it means it’s meant for you. They say that comparison is the thief of joy, and ain’t that the truth?

Personally, I have no attachment to being remembered as a “good person”. Should I pass on (which I will most certainly do), the only thing I want people to say is that she lived her truth, and yes, I do things that are deemed to be ‘good’, but my highest intention for self is to live a life that makes me happy.

My advice to you is, let go of whatever attachment you have to a label or role if it is causing you to behave in a way that does not serve you. ‘The good person’, ‘the strong one, ‘the perfect one’, ‘the understanding one’, ‘the non-confrontational one’; let it all go. You have carried this around with you for long enough.

Your best will never seem like it’s good enough, when you are giving it in an environment that does not allow you to thrive. And those toxic relationships/environments will never allow you to fully perceive yourself as good enough or worthy.

You have to unpack and heal the experiences that made you believe that you are not worthy. And yes, I have certain values that I live by. However, I am not held hostage or limited by people’s perception of me. Being myself is enough for me.

Doing well in life isn’t always about being perfect. It is also about how you handle some of the experiences life throws in your direction.

You were not given this life (by chance or otherwise) to be perfect, you were simpy called a live a full human life. The human experience is ever changing, it has highs, it has lows, sometimes you will not want to be a part of it, but joy will eventually come, it will call you from your corner, remember to answer when it does.

P.S. You do not have to be perfect to be loved, cared for, respected or appreciated.

With all my heart(still),

The dreamer.✨🤍
When in doubt, cry.

February 9th, 2024

When in doubt, remind yourself that you have been through more than your fair share, refrain from comparing yourself to others and cry!

I used to hate crying, oh my word! I thought it was such a time consuming and unnecessary activity to partake in and kept on going on with my days. I did not realise I was bottling up so much emotion, anger, sadness and frustration until it all came down at once. The actual pits!

Crying, I have learned, is so therapeutic and my pillow has stories for days. When I feel anxious about something I am doing or I am supposed to do, I let out more than a few salty streams and do it anyways. Doubt can try and stop me another day.

I realised (about doubt) that much of the self-doubt that we have been carrying is not even ours, it is just projections of how other people feel about us. From a snark comment someone made, a passing remark about our capabilities and our ability, or the way our ideas/dreams are described as heavy, daunting or even impossible.

“Don’t let them make you doubt yourself. All the greatest visionaries in history have been told they were insane at some point.”
Michele Jaffe

All this burden, all this luggage we carry around with us, day in and day out, is not even ours!

When in doubt (read imposter syndrome), it is always good to remind yourself that you are already in the room, and you’re there because you deserve to be there. You put in the work, the discipline and the courage, do not let self-doubt convince you otherwise. While there, open doors, build longer tables and invite people that share the vision!

Procrastination tip: Do it before the self doubt creeps in.

My 2024 has taught me never to compromise on my truth, no matter if it leads to broken or strained relationships with the people around me, and to validate my own experiences even when others try to make me doubt myself. I will cry it out and keep moving, always! My delusional self-belief is the difference between me and the Pearly Gates, believe me.

If you constantly compare yourself to others, nothing you do will ever be good enough cause there is always going to be someone better than you: better money, better car, better education, better job, better opportunities. Compare your progress to where you used to be, in your own lane. Measure where you are in relations to your own goals.

“There is in every madman a misunderstood genius whose idea, shining in his head, frightened people, and for whom delirium was the only solution to the strangulation that life had prepared for him.”
~ Antonin Artaud

Throughout the remainder of this week, pay attention to what your gut is telling you. If it tells you to call that person, they can help you, do so; if it tells you, “send that email,” do it. Keep uncertainty from setting in. Simply acknowledge your intuition —it has gotten you this far—and notice what happens.

You are on the right track, don’t let people fill your mind with doubt.

With all my love, still.
Self-maintenance schedule

January 4th, 2024

First of all, happy new year! I have missed each and every one of you and also writing about me (that sounds so self-centered😂😭). I took an unplanned hiatus from the writing and I hope I am back to full writing capacity. The book has been keeping me on my toes and extremely busy (story for the next post!). Let’s get into today’s business and welcome back!❤️

I’m sure we all have the basics of a daily beauty routine down. Wash your face, protect your skin, etc. But I thought I’d go a little more in-depth about what I do to always feel my best. Over time, I’ve figured out what works best for me, and sticking to my beauty maintenance schedule has dramatically improved my skin, my hair, and through that, my confidence. Having clearer skin means I worry less and always feel put together. No more worrying about last-minute plans that I don’t feel ready for!

Wash And Style Hair

I can usually go a whole week between washes. I always air dry my dreadlocks and only in desperate situations do I blow dry them. I feel they dry better? I don’t know, maybe it is just a personal preference and something I brought over from having natural hair. Learning to style my dreadlocks has been fun and painful but totally worth it!

Eyebrows threaded

I will not lie and tell you all that I do this regularly because I do not remember the last time I got my eyebrows done. It has been on the list for a while but it remains a necessity.

Nails and Lashes

I am just now entering into my lashes era and I do not know anyway else to live. It feels divine having my eyelashes done. It is such a confidence boost and totally worth it. The cat eye combo I found on TikTok was perfectly executed. 10/10.

My nails, I try to keep up with and as much as I want to be a short nails girlie, I fail miserably. I love my talons. My recent sets:

Waxing

I have a confession: I wanted to self-wax and thank goodness I got some sense before I did something drastic. I will not go into the pros of waxing as that is something you can easily look up but all I can do is recommend that you stop shaving and start waxing. Thank me, later.

After writing this all down, it looks like a lot. But by breaking it all up into days, weeks, and months, it’s all pretty manageable. I’m curious about what you guys do! Let me know if there’s anything you’re doing that’s been life-changing and that I need to add to my beauty I’m maintenance schedule ASAP!