Even if the relationship was toxic, the goodbye still leaves you reeling. You had plans, you were in sync and love for this person was certain. You were so sure of the person you were together. Even when things were falling apart, and you both knew there was nothing to be salvaged from the wreck, it takes insane amounts of courage to say goodbye to what was to be a forever thing.

Sometimes when we get into relationships with people, we expect them to fix or fill certain holes and gaps in us that we are convinced need fixing or healing. And then get very frustrated, and angry when they don’t fix these things or fit the narrative we have set . You become bitter towards your partner because how dare they not cut parts of themselves to fill your blanks. How dare they not fix our traumas, make us whole and I am here you tell you, nobody is coming to save you.

You will certainly meet people who will ask you to be less of yourself because of their inferiority complex. They cannot stand women who do better than them, they feel threatened in the presence of a woman who can hold their own, and they will do anything to bring you to their level. No man is worth throwing your career and ambitions away. Especially not at your tender age and you haven’t lived enough, small small you should not be compromising on your career/goals/vision. Focus on you. Your boyfriend threatens to leave you if you pick you? Let him leave and continue to shamelessly chose and prioritize yourself. Your partner should venture into finding some self-worth and some shame.

Things I would use charms/witchcraft for:

Money: Because I am a soft life babe and I love nice things.

What I would not use witchcraft for: To keep a man. It is not worth it and for the sake of peace and happiness, don’t do it. Use witchcraft to defeat inflation, I am begging you! (For real though, can y’all bring down the cost of living? Things are getting ridiculous.)

Men who do no want you will treat you like an afterthought, like an option because they know that no matter how terribly they treat you, you will go back. Men know to treat the people they want well and you are not a multiple question answer, and please, it is a full time job hating your partners interactions with the other gender. You don tire, if he respected you, you would not be playing John Cena with other girls every two market days.

Not everyone needs to be forgiven; some people will never try to grow from old habits or change their approach on things. I will bet you my last dollar they will say, “This is who I am” or “I have always been like this”. Run!

People will inevitably make mistakes and change does not happen overnight; as long as they make a continuous effort towards being better, demonstrate accountability for their actions, and as long as you still want them around, they are forgiveable in my eyes. It requires patience and understanding to move forward after hurdles but it is doable where there is mutual love.

I did not say forgive cheating, azakutengelani matenda.

When you cheat on your partner and sabotage your own relationship, you deny yourself happiness. You deny and take away from yourself a safe, secure, happy relationship and partner. You are risking losing someone who cares about you and is willing to give and share with you all the happiness they can amass. You are hurting the person you love and cheating is no accident, please. It is not like you were walking and slipped and fell into another person’s —

Give as much (if not more) as you get, give it everything. No matter that you have been hurt and have suffered in love, your present partner should not pay for the sins of someone else. They have not hurt you, they have not given you any reason not to trust them and they deserve all the love you can offer. If you find yourself giving more than you get, communicate and if it falls on non-listening ears, take your effort elsewhere. It is important to understand and empathize with where people are coming from. Nothing is ever as straightforward especially where hearts are/were involved, we are a product of our past experiences and environments.

Knowing how you want to be loved and then asking your partner how they like to be loved will make your relationship easier. In the beginning, it will be like sampling wine and picking a favorite but it takes time to really really learn what you like. And please, it is okay to like being gifted, that is how you like love being shown to you. It is also equally important to know how to apologize to your partner when things go south.